Monday, December 14, 2015

A Litvisher father tries to explain Chanuka to his son

The following made up dialog regarding Chanuka sounds very funny but actually points to a very big problem in today's society (translated from אבא ליטאי: המכבים היו ציונים):

(S is the son and F is the father) 

S - Daddy, how did we defeat the Greeks?
F - With Hashems help
S- So what did the Maccabim do?
F- They were just soldiers. Hashed helped them and with Hashem's help they won
S- The Maccabim were soldiers?
F - Uh ... they were soldiers of Hashem, Hashem's army
S- So the Maccabim where Lubavitchers?
F - No, no, heaven forbid, they were Litvaks
S - Did Yehuda Hamaccabi have weapons?
F - Yes
S - So Yehuda Hamaccabi was a chiloni or a non-Jew?
F - Of course not, why would you think that?
S - But only chilonim and non-Jews serve in the army
F - In those days religious people also served in the army
S - Why did the Maccabim go to the army and we don't?
F - Because our Torah learning protects us
S - And their Torah learning didn't protect them?
F - Maybe you should go learn Mishnayes with Moishe
S - The Maccabim learned Mishnayes?
F - They learned Torah a lot of Torah
S - Did they not work?
F - Chas V' Shalom
S- Did Antiochus give them money?
F - No, they worked 
S - What did they do?
F - Matisyahu was a farmer
S - Matisyahu was a Thai?
F - Of course not why would you think he was a Thai?
S - Because all of the farm workers are Thai
S - How did he work in the fields with a white shirt?
F - How do you know he wore a white shirt?
S - Because Moishe said that a real Jew only wears white shirts
S - What did the Maccabim want?
F - They wanted a Jewish state that would be independent
S - Is that we want?
F - Yes but we can't say it, we are not Zionists
S - But daddy, I want to be a Maccabi, Zionist and a soldier
F - Gevald, what happened to you!