Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Why is Charedi Poverty Getting Worse? Part 4 - Letters to Mishpacha

In part 3 I quoted extensively from an article in Mishpacha which described how married children are driving their parents into poverty by taking and taking and taking. This week the magazine published 3 letters in response, all agreeing with the article.  One letter in particular is very interesting and reinforces the points that I have been making, here it is:

קשה וכואב היה לקרא את הכתבה של ר" קפלר, על ילדים הנשואים הרוכבים על גבי הוריהם. אך כמה מפליא, יכול להיות שההורים נותנים בכך דוגמא אישית

נאמר זאת, הילדים לא המציאו את השיטה, הם ראו אותה אצל ההורים! אתם עכשיו שבאים בטענות, עשיתם (וחלקם עדיין עושים) את אותו דבר בדיוק! הוריכם ניצולי השואה לא יכלו לחשוב על כך שילדים שלהם יהיו מצוקה ומחסור, ונתנו (ועדיין נותנים) לכם את כל אשר להם. דור ניצולי השואה עבדו כמו חמורים, חלקם בעבודות מפרכות גוף ונפש, וביחד אם הרנטות שהם קיבלו מגרמניה הם חיתנו את הילדים, קנו להם דירות, ועזרו להם לעבור לדירה גדולה יותר, וכן הלאה ככל שיכלו ומעבר לכך.

הדור השני כבר עבד הרבה פחות, רובו למד בכולל (וחלקו עדיין בכולל עד היום), וחי מקצבאות הממשלה, מתמיכות מהכולל, ומעזרה מההורים. וכשהם הגיעו לחתן את ילדיהם (הדור הסחטן של היום) עמדו הם בלא מודעות בפני שוקת שבורה ולקחו את ילדיהם וזרקו לתוך המים הסוערים. והילדים האלו שרגילים לכך שסבתא היא באר מיים חיים, הולכים גם הם לשאוב. ולפעמים מגש העוף שהם גנבו מהפריזר יהיה העוף היחיד שהנכדים יראו במהלך השבוע ... כי כשאין, אזז אין

הורים יקרים אתם אשמים! אם אתם לא מספיקים לילדכם כלים לפרנסה, ואתם כן מראים לו דוגמה אישית של חיים על חשבון הסבים, אז אתם יכולים להאשים רק את עצמכם

It was hard and painful to read the article by R' Kapler about married children who are dependent on their parents. However, how interesting it is that the parents are giving their children a personal example [of being dependent on their parents].

We can say this, the children did not invent this, they saw their parents doing it. You [parents] who are now complaining did (and some are still doing) the same exact thing! Your parents, holocaust survivors, could not bear to see their children lack from anything, and therefore gave (and are still giving) to you everything they had. The generation of holocaust survivors worked like mules, some in  physically and spiritually crushing work, and along with the reparations they received from Germany married off their children, bought them apartments, helped them move to bigger apartments, etc. giving whatever they could and sometimes even more. 

The second generation worked much less, most learned in kollel (some are still learning in kollel) and live off government and kollel stipends, and help from their parents. So when they came to marry off their children they found themselves in a hopeless situation and took their children and threw them into the turbulent waters. The children who were used to their grandparents being the source of all good, are coming back to take. Sometimes the tray of chickens that they take from the freezer are the only chicken the grandchildren will see that week... because when there isn't any, there isn't any.

Parents, it is your fault! If you don't provide your children with the tools to make a living and you provide an example of living off the taxpayer, you can only blame yourselves.

This letter pretty much sums up what I have been saying, the kids ares simply following in their parents footsteps. The problem is that the generational money is running out and there is nothing to replace it.

The fact that Mishpacha published 3 letters in favour of the article (these are the only letters published) says a lot about what is going in the Charedi community. At least some people seem to understand that there is a real issue here, the question is, what will the leadership do about it?

1 comment:

bluke said...

I couldn't agree more. The current economic crisis in the charedi community has been building for years, but the culture of entitlement is only making it worse. I once dated a guy who was working, but had a brother in learning with a family of (iirc) eight children who were being supported entirely by his parents and the wife's parents. I argued, what will happen when the money runs out? Why should his brother's children not expect to be supported in style by their parents when they grow up and have families of their own, when they see this is how their own family currently lives? He denied that any such sense of entitlement was being fostered by the current situation. I called him dangerously naive and declined to go out again.