I really try every year to connect to the Churban Habayis and to feel the aveilus but I can't do it. I am not moved to tears by the kinos describing the destruction. Intellectually I understand but emotionally it is just not there for me and I would guess most of us. We have lived so long without a Beis Hamikdash that we have no clue what it really means.
Someone in my shul put it best, we should cry because we can't cry about the churban.